Return to the Sender

That's what I am doing with the next wedding invitation I get. Sending right on back to the lucky couple, because, all good intentions aside, I am not a good wedding guest. And weddings are a beautiful event and may be the most special day of their lives, so assholes like myself, should not be included.

I know you invite me because we are friends. And I love you to pieces. But here's the thing: I cannot control myself around an open bar. I thought I could, but I now know otherwise. In days past, I have blamed my behaviors on a lot of stress or too much travel, but it seems to be much simpler than that. I drink too much damn wine at weddings and act a fool. Surprise!

And there have been a lot of weddings in the last year. I have behaved better at some, but have not managed to attend one single wedding without a list of "I can't believe I said that" moments.
Yesterday, my super sweet friend SirDizzle got married. His bride is the sweetest little thing ever. I think she is what one would refer to as a Southern Belle. They had a morning ceremony at the Royal Palms, and a brunch. Oh, and an open bar. I thought this would not be a big deal, since it's before noon and all, and I do have some limits. So I thought "how can I get into trouble with a mimosa?" And then it began.

Mocking speeches, getting other guests to look down my dress, spitting out cake, slurring my undying love to the groom's parents who now think I am the jilted ex, and all this by 1pm. I'm so classy. Crashed out asleep by 3 pm. What??

Friday night, FOXXY said to me, "Can't you just say no to one wedding?" Of course, she said that in front of the ONE person who I actually did say no to only last week and have been feeling like shit over, but I digress. The answer to that question is: I'm saying no to as many weddings as I can. My friends will thank me later.

Except of course for the Canadian excursion, Part II of the above wedding, with a Hindu Ceremony, me in a sari, with my hands painted, in only a few weeks. THAT, I am doing. I do PLAN on sobriety. And I really have to stick to that, since the sister to the groom is after my husband, big time and the last thing my drunk self needs to do is to convince myself that I need to do something about that. Hilarious.


But yes, the wedding was beautiful. Royal Palms is one beautiful place. I cried when he told his family he loved them. It was a nice day, and I don't think any of my antics were noted or had any effect beyond my own table...but still..I'm so out.