Bulging Eyeballs, Overbites, and Weak Chins

I guess I was "Tagged" so here it is:


THINGS THAT MAKE ME JELLO....(or top 10 turn ons)

10. Dark Hair. Enough to cover the entire head, no empty patches. Some grey acceptable. Length preferred.

9. Bright Lively eyes, not too far apart, and not always staring at my chest or the every ass that walks by. Lashes helpful. Bulging eyeballs not allowed. THat's what patches are for.

8. Nice teeth. With nice subtle smiles. I hate BIG grins. Half smiles on the right person can make me weak in the knees. Gums on display are bad. Just give me white, straight, normal sized teeth.

7. Athletic physique. Not SUPER HUGE steroid bodies, but fit and arms bigger than mine. No need for washboard, just not a spare tire.

6. Good voice. Not too loud, not raspy, not high pitched or nasally. GOd one of my ex's had a voice that was a bit too Bob Dillan-ish. And I am a sucker for accents.

5. Cleanliness. Please don't have gunk under your nails and smelly pits. If you must get dirty, get clean quick. And stay the hell away from me until you are.

4. Intelligence. Not a know-it-all, (since I have that covered thanks), but a man who knows what he knows and can admit what he doesn't. And be interested in learning more about everything.

3. Wit. Juvenile, quick, intelligent and subdued. I fall for them all. A man who makes me laugh goes a long way.

2. Compassion. He cares about others, and me. He does not judge everyone at all times. He feels for them and wants to understand, and it's okay if he gets frustrated, but he feels empathy and sadness for those who suffer. Generally giving a shit about the rest of humanity is very sexy.

1. Good ears. That is, a man who will listen, and not just hear what he wants to hear, but listen to me and take what I say to heart, like it matters. And he remembers. And does not get tired of listening to all my nonsense. That's the biggest turn on there is for me.

THINGS THAT WILL GUARANTEE YOU AND ME ARE NOT "HITTING IT OFF" (r top ten turn offs)

10. Lack of manners. Those who fart, belch, scratch, pick and blow snot rockets. Cavemen used clubs for a reason.

9. Sexist men. Those who won't vaccuum, or are afraid their boys will think they are whipped if they help. Men who think I should give a shit about their stupid hobbies or high school football days.

8. Men trying to prove something. I hate men with big trucks, guns, and all things that say "small penis". Get over it. Dudes who care too much what everyone else thinks annoy the living shit out of me. And it makes their loserness a hundred times worse. I think they tend to be Republicans, but I have no research to support this. I didn't want to waste one of my ten on Republicans alone. I can't think about them too much. It makes me tired.

7. A man who doesn't care what he looks like. OK, not divas, but at least care that a bowtie is not cool. At least iron if it's crumpled. A little. Overgrown hair, tired clothes, sorry...no can do.

6. Lazy. Dude get a job, work out. Get up. Put the video games down. Move around. No one is attracted to Jabba the Hut. Do not ask me for money if you don't have a job. Do not tell me we can't do something because YOU can't afford it. I don't ask for much, so figure it out.



5. Victims. Enough. Every girl leaves you because you are too nice, yada yada yada. Quit complaining, get a better personality and shut up! The world owes you one for whatever reason. Quit being a bitch and make lemonade.


4. Certain physical attributes: woman hips, weak chins, rinky dinks, cankles (yes, men can have them), bulging eyeballs, overbites, big noses, huge heads, pot bellies, ugly walks, acne, receding hairlines, manbreasts, and slouching backs. I know I am totally cheating here with all this as one.. but who's gonna stop me?

3. Telling me what to do. Fuck off. I have a dad and I asked him to stop bossing me around like 10 years ago. If I need advice, I'll ask. Nothing pisses me off more and makes me want to smack a man in the face more than "You need to..." or "You should...."


2. Smell. Not just body odor, cigarettes, and all things gross, but some people just have a natural smell that I don't dig. Sorry. No can do. Sausage smelling ex did me some damage. Yuck. Bad breath is the absolute worst. Makes me imagine that I kiss him and then have to puke, right down his throat. Sorry.

1. BORING people. Sorry, I know some people are quiet and that's ok, but have a sense of humor when you do talk. Care about something, be mad about something, be excited about SOMETHING. I can't stand a boring dude, even if he is Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp hot. I'm so much more into personality than anything else. But no matter how awesome you are if you have any of the enumerated #4 issues, it's not going to happen. Sorry.


I hereby "tag" Little Star and Lipgloss. You girls need to sort these out for yourselves so you are clear for when you meet the next Mr. You.