Dear Medical Hotline:

I'm glad you take my lab results seriously. Seriously enough to call me twice daily and send me two letters. You care enough to scare the living crap out of me. It was a Pap and a Thyroid test, so worst case scenario we got an "abnormal" I am thinking. But the way you all hound me I feel like I am toxic and contaminating the free world as you leave me a million messages.
Thank-you for making me feel like the Contagious Disease Police are going to kidnap, quarantine me, and tent my house. I mean, you freaked me out. In the future I think that maybe, just maybe, you could take it down a notch. Like say one call a day for the first 4 days or something.
Mind you, I was out of the country, so perhaps you should have requested a hold be placed on my passport or something. I understand. You "have a very important message that needs to be delivered to me concerning my lab results". All I have to do is call the number and enter my security code. Honestly, I kind of thought this was a scam. A kind of trick is this to have my identity stolen? OKay... maybe that's a little bit like Luwanna's thoughts, but really, you all are out of control, forgive me if I am a TAD paranoid.
The thing is when I called, the message just said "Sheri, we need to talk to you. PLease call us during business hours". I thought, HOLY CRAP! It's so bad I need face-to-face conversation. Maybe they tested for a whole lot more than I thought.
So I call, and dammit if you all can't figure out why you called. Or what it was about. Even when I tell you all about the stalking and the fear. Finally, that 90 year old lady you have manning the phones, says "oh here it is.... oh dear."
Enough!!!
"Honey, it appears we owe you an apology. The blood we took from you was left in the heat and we need another sample. We weren't able to test it."
I thought you were joking. The blood test was at my request since there was a 5% chance that my mid-cycle cramping could be thyroid problem instead of regular ovulation cramps. It was really NO BIG DEAL.
But thanks for scaring the living daylight out of me and my fiance all week. My cell phone was here and he was getting the messages and crapping bricks.

Again thanks for caring. Good work.