The Summons
Today I had Jury Duty. I got the summons in the mail a few weeks ago. Sometime between then and today, I lost it, but luckily I had calendared it. So this morning, just like the good old days, I got to carpool down to the Superior Court. I had to wear a "dummy" badge, since the summons converts to a juror badge, but since I seem to have misplaced mine... I get to be the dork with the poser badge.
Jurors were herded into a large room with tv's, and a lot of chairs. I chose a seat between a couple of elderly folks. Who knew that an elderly person could have such kickin breath? Not I, that's for damn sure. It was creepy and it kept floating over to me. A kind of death smell... very foul. And of course, they both thought me interesting and had to chat me up. I'm sure they dont' get out much. So I tried to do what I could to be polite... but eventually I faked a need to visit the ladies room, to escape that foul breath. Ick.
A few hours later, I got selected to go to a Courtroom to see if I would make the jury. An exercise in futility since I know all these people and as a general rule, I will not be picked. I know the prosecutor, the judge, the baliff, the court reporter, the defense attorney. But still I had to sit there for 4 hours going through the process. And I was surrounded by MORONS.
If you want to know why OJ or Robert Blake happened, turn out for jury duty! It's like some people say you should have to get a license to have kids, well, juror requirements should be higher too. I mean what a pack of loons! (but on a side note, a Johnny Depp look-a-like made some of the time go faster!)
So you have to stand and tell everyone what you do, and if you know anyone --- yada yada. SO all these dorks here me say that I am a former Prosecutor and that I know all these people. And I hear all their stories. Fine.
Breaktime, they all want me to tell them everything the Judge won't. How long is this going to take? Is he guilty? How do I get off this jury? Etc. I finally hold my book directly in front of my face...and try to read.
"Is that a good book?" asks annoying stay-at-home mother of two.
"Um, it's ok. I'm just getting to some interesting parts"
"Oh, well, I am reading the Da Vinci Code and it's really interesting. Have you read it?" she continues.
"Nope."
"Well, you should. It's taking me a long time though. My kids don't let me read much...." and now she starts in on her life story. Me staring into my book. What part of me seems at all interested? I know her kids have earaches, an affection for Dora the Explorer and that her husband won't eat meat. COULD NOT CARE LESS...but I know.
Eventually my silence and annoyed expression elicits an apology, sort of.
"I know I am probably talking your ear off, and boring you with my stupid life and kids, but I don't get to talk to adults much."
"yeah, I don't even want kids. How depressing." WHAT AN IDIOT! Now 20 minutes of why kids are the best thing ever! Shit. I fake phone calls, and a bathroom break, she keeps on.
Anyway, in the end, I am not selected. But guess who is?
Her. A freaky man wearing a t-shirt that reads "Savage Nation. Vote Libertarian" Two people in their eighties. A Magnum PI lookalike who works in an adult bookstore, and a 19 year old girl who is a lifeguard in training( her mom sat in the room the whole time). Yes America, this is who will decide if this man goes to prison. Me, as a lawyer with an ability to judge the case on facts, too biased! I should not have been selected I admit, but this is the average jury panel. A jury of your Peers. They should see the world like the offender or the victim. UGH. this is a crappy post, but the whole thing bugged me and I needed to vent!
Jurors were herded into a large room with tv's, and a lot of chairs. I chose a seat between a couple of elderly folks. Who knew that an elderly person could have such kickin breath? Not I, that's for damn sure. It was creepy and it kept floating over to me. A kind of death smell... very foul. And of course, they both thought me interesting and had to chat me up. I'm sure they dont' get out much. So I tried to do what I could to be polite... but eventually I faked a need to visit the ladies room, to escape that foul breath. Ick.
A few hours later, I got selected to go to a Courtroom to see if I would make the jury. An exercise in futility since I know all these people and as a general rule, I will not be picked. I know the prosecutor, the judge, the baliff, the court reporter, the defense attorney. But still I had to sit there for 4 hours going through the process. And I was surrounded by MORONS.
If you want to know why OJ or Robert Blake happened, turn out for jury duty! It's like some people say you should have to get a license to have kids, well, juror requirements should be higher too. I mean what a pack of loons! (but on a side note, a Johnny Depp look-a-like made some of the time go faster!)
So you have to stand and tell everyone what you do, and if you know anyone --- yada yada. SO all these dorks here me say that I am a former Prosecutor and that I know all these people. And I hear all their stories. Fine.
Breaktime, they all want me to tell them everything the Judge won't. How long is this going to take? Is he guilty? How do I get off this jury? Etc. I finally hold my book directly in front of my face...and try to read.
"Is that a good book?" asks annoying stay-at-home mother of two.
"Um, it's ok. I'm just getting to some interesting parts"
"Oh, well, I am reading the Da Vinci Code and it's really interesting. Have you read it?" she continues.
"Nope."
"Well, you should. It's taking me a long time though. My kids don't let me read much...." and now she starts in on her life story. Me staring into my book. What part of me seems at all interested? I know her kids have earaches, an affection for Dora the Explorer and that her husband won't eat meat. COULD NOT CARE LESS...but I know.
Eventually my silence and annoyed expression elicits an apology, sort of.
"I know I am probably talking your ear off, and boring you with my stupid life and kids, but I don't get to talk to adults much."
"yeah, I don't even want kids. How depressing." WHAT AN IDIOT! Now 20 minutes of why kids are the best thing ever! Shit. I fake phone calls, and a bathroom break, she keeps on.
Anyway, in the end, I am not selected. But guess who is?
Her. A freaky man wearing a t-shirt that reads "Savage Nation. Vote Libertarian" Two people in their eighties. A Magnum PI lookalike who works in an adult bookstore, and a 19 year old girl who is a lifeguard in training( her mom sat in the room the whole time). Yes America, this is who will decide if this man goes to prison. Me, as a lawyer with an ability to judge the case on facts, too biased! I should not have been selected I admit, but this is the average jury panel. A jury of your Peers. They should see the world like the offender or the victim. UGH. this is a crappy post, but the whole thing bugged me and I needed to vent!
posted by Knows It All @ 7:07 PM
3 Comments:
At 10:49 PM,
ShooShoo said…
Not crappy at all; on the contrary, I was cracking up reading it. :) Thanks for the entertainment!
At 5:01 AM,
LSL said…
Great post. This is so deeply disturbing to me. Honestly, whose peers are these?
At 2:44 PM,
Flipsycab said…
Is it me or do those of us with half a brain undergo herculean (sp?) efforts to escape jury duty? Perhaps these suckas are simply those with nothing better to do with their days. Sigh. I weep for the future.
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