The Morning After an Intense Dream

Sometimes my dreams are so intense or emotional, they affect my mood all day. This morning, I have an overwhelming desire to email my ex-boyfriend and see how he is. Now, yesterday I was cracking up while blogging about all the bad things I wanted to do to him, like steamroll him and twist up his guts with a fork, but last night I dreamt that his brother came to see me and told me he just passed away. So I went to where he lives now, and was walking around and I heard his laugh. His laugh is distinctive, it's a full belly laugh and to this day makes me smile. In my dream, I ran into him, and I run to hug him... and say "I thought you were dead." He politely removes himself from my hug, and then is very casual. He shows me around a little bit. He gives me a book that was inscribed by his current wife, and then he goes downstairs to a party. I try to catch up with him, but keep being a room or two behind. WHen I get to the grassy outside, people are greeting me and thanking me for coming. I then realize I am at his wake. Many of his friends and family are snubbing me, but his brother is really nice. I sit down with the book and I see that he wrote to me in it. "Hey Kid, Don't Worry So Much. Missed ya....M"
I was crying in my dream thinking about how much he hurt when I Dear Johned him. And how unfair it is that he has left us so young. I woke up really sad.

I am no dream analyst, but this is so obviously transferring some of what my best friend is going through, and processing it in my own way. Maybe a touch of guilt about laughing at his pain from yesterdays' blog. Lu had said that in a few slight ways way back when Jim had reminded her of M. Since I didn't know Jim, except through Lu's stories and photos, this idea never left me. So no shock that I dreamt this. But the emotions are so real. I feel sad and want to contact him, just to check in.

It's 5:50 a.m. in Denver. I should call him and say, "Mike!!! I thought you were dead!" His wife would clearly remind him that a life without me was a god-send! I don't have their number, so I may shoot an email. But I probably won't. This dream effect will fade in a few hours and I have no REAL desire to reconnect with him. He hates me. It can't be a good result.