Fifty years-- rare and beautiful
So this weekend, I went with my fiance to his grandparents 50th anniversary party. They had a full Catholic mass, in which the couple renewed their vows, and then a beautiful reception: dinner, dancing, toasts, the whole shi-bang. It was awesome.
50 years. And they were not "young" when they married considering it was 1955. He was 28, she 25. They met when he was in medical school in San Francisco, she was a nurse. He was from Nogales, Mexico. She was from Napa. They married, and she went with him to Nogales and that is where their life together has been. In his toast to her, he praised her and thanked her for giving up her country, her family, her friends, her language and her culture, to come to him. Nogales today is of course a bi-cultural border town, but in 1955, it was not. They live on the American side now, but did not for decades.
She thanked the family that took her in, the town that embraced her,and him for giving her all she has. She has a lot of children and grandchildren, but it was him who fulfilled her when she was lonely. Beautiful. THey are friends first, and that was amazing.
They recognized that there have been tough times. THey lost an adult child. Their marriage was challenged at other times. They powered through and are so happy. Inspiring....to say the least.
I wonder though. That life is built on days past. She chose to sacrfice her independence to second-chair his. SHe and I talk a lot, and she loves that I travel, am educated, that I don't cook or iron for my fiance, that I have opinions. She tells me compromise is important, but balance is first. She tells me too that I can do whatever I want and if we are friends it will be okay. She envies my life, not to say she regrets hers, but she can take from her life's lessons that sometimes it can be more about both people. Her life was whatever was available after his.
From a romantic perspective, I could say I would follow my fiance anywhere to be with him. It's the part that after we get there, that I would be worried about. Boredom, isolation. Can one person's love be enough? Should we ask that of anyone? Where is his compromise?
I don't mean to undermine the beauty of what I witnessed. I just feel blessed to join this family. ANd I love that she can tell me to live for me too. Make it about me as well as him. In-laws get a bad rap.
50 years. And they were not "young" when they married considering it was 1955. He was 28, she 25. They met when he was in medical school in San Francisco, she was a nurse. He was from Nogales, Mexico. She was from Napa. They married, and she went with him to Nogales and that is where their life together has been. In his toast to her, he praised her and thanked her for giving up her country, her family, her friends, her language and her culture, to come to him. Nogales today is of course a bi-cultural border town, but in 1955, it was not. They live on the American side now, but did not for decades.
She thanked the family that took her in, the town that embraced her,and him for giving her all she has. She has a lot of children and grandchildren, but it was him who fulfilled her when she was lonely. Beautiful. THey are friends first, and that was amazing.
They recognized that there have been tough times. THey lost an adult child. Their marriage was challenged at other times. They powered through and are so happy. Inspiring....to say the least.
I wonder though. That life is built on days past. She chose to sacrfice her independence to second-chair his. SHe and I talk a lot, and she loves that I travel, am educated, that I don't cook or iron for my fiance, that I have opinions. She tells me compromise is important, but balance is first. She tells me too that I can do whatever I want and if we are friends it will be okay. She envies my life, not to say she regrets hers, but she can take from her life's lessons that sometimes it can be more about both people. Her life was whatever was available after his.
From a romantic perspective, I could say I would follow my fiance anywhere to be with him. It's the part that after we get there, that I would be worried about. Boredom, isolation. Can one person's love be enough? Should we ask that of anyone? Where is his compromise?
I don't mean to undermine the beauty of what I witnessed. I just feel blessed to join this family. ANd I love that she can tell me to live for me too. Make it about me as well as him. In-laws get a bad rap.
posted by Knows It All @ 9:18 AM
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