Scratch Scratch
Ok, juvenile commentary to follow....read if you interested.
Men and the scratch. I am so not getting it. I have been working with one guy a lot this week. He is fidgety, hyper, loud, talks in a continuing stream of consciousness, and constantly scratches his privates. His technique is distinctive. Left hand, pointer finger and ring finger squeezed together into a form of tool, and he kinds digs/scratches. It is a brief act, but repetitive. Creeps me out to such a degree, I get the chills.
I have to be with him a lot since he is teaching me how to do the budget, which I had to get done this week. So there is no alternative. It was so difficult.
He is also a little ambigiuous as to his sexual orientation, and always talking about the politics of gay marriage. He is divorced, former military, and really insecure about his intellect vs. mine, since he cannot separate my law degree and me, as if there is some correlation of intelligence level and that degree.
So I was wondering what makes him so itchy. According to GQ, it's not being clean enough. Sweat and insuffucient cleaning of the pubic hair results in itch. Or laundry soap, fabrics, or a little thing called an STD. Oh yes, many of them can make a man have a need to scratch. So, as this man continuously digs and scratches in a very-developed technique, I think it's a form of a nervous twitch. But where is this so acceptable, that it can develop? I mean, I know I LOOK as he does it. I can't help it, and I am not one that can wear a blank face. My face is always portraying my reaction. So I am sure I wear my shocked or my "who farted?" face everytime he does it, and I could not have been the first. So he must know, and yet is so compelled he just continues. ICK.
I am intrigued to know what the cause it. I can't help but think of bugs. I mean as aggressively and reactively he appears to go to town on his beans, it's so like a dog when they jump up or flinch and then begin a fierce hunt for a specific flea. This is how this man scratches. It's like sudden and savage. BLoodthirsty. I am not sure but I th ink that there is help for a bug infestation of the privates. So, maybe he just hasnt' got on top of it. But when a dog has just licked his beans, we generally are a little put-off by a doggy kiss. But my budget man, after digging and scratching for an hour... has no problem trying to shake your hand upon good-byes. (ok, so he shakes with his right, and appears to scratch exclusively left, this is America people... we treat both hands equally).
"Good work Sheri. Your budget is all in on time, and for your first try, this is a fine result....congratulations" and his hand is reaching towards me.
I snatch up a bunch of papers so fast I thnk I could be a superhero in the future. Now, there are only about 40 pages, and they don't need two hands, but I pretend I am trying to keep them from getting unsorted. I am fumbling and try to focus on the paperclips...so as to not have to shake his hand. As his hand just hovers, out-stretched for what seems like minutes. And then I remember STREP!!! So , much delayed....
"Oh, I'd shake your hand, but I'm kind of worried about being contagious still, but thanks so much for all your help." meek smile.
Pause. Hand drops.
"I saw you shake Kim's hand a few minutes ago." Deadpan stare.
"What?"
"You shook Kim's hand when he dropped his budget off a minute ago."
"Well, I don't like him, so I dont care if he gets sick. No... I just didn't think about it."
"I would have accepted the risk too." He turns, walks to his office, and shuts the door as I stand there.
I wanted to scream, "Hey! Creep! You scratch your slimy balls all day and I don't want your ball cooties!"
But I have not been the nicest person all week, so I chose guilt over anger. I know that he knew I was trying not to touch him. I treated him like a leper, just because his hands are covered in ball-sludge invisible gloves.
At this point, what can I do? Door is shut. I'm standing here clutching a bunch of stuff to recycle, and I feel like a jerk. I just left. I couldn't fix it. He scratches his balls nonstop. I have a feeling that is what he was doing behind the door. I'd rather be thought of as a jerk, as opposed to an enabler.
And then I picked my nose, and dug my thong out of my bum! High-Five! Just jokes.
Men and the scratch. I am so not getting it. I have been working with one guy a lot this week. He is fidgety, hyper, loud, talks in a continuing stream of consciousness, and constantly scratches his privates. His technique is distinctive. Left hand, pointer finger and ring finger squeezed together into a form of tool, and he kinds digs/scratches. It is a brief act, but repetitive. Creeps me out to such a degree, I get the chills.
I have to be with him a lot since he is teaching me how to do the budget, which I had to get done this week. So there is no alternative. It was so difficult.
He is also a little ambigiuous as to his sexual orientation, and always talking about the politics of gay marriage. He is divorced, former military, and really insecure about his intellect vs. mine, since he cannot separate my law degree and me, as if there is some correlation of intelligence level and that degree.
So I was wondering what makes him so itchy. According to GQ, it's not being clean enough. Sweat and insuffucient cleaning of the pubic hair results in itch. Or laundry soap, fabrics, or a little thing called an STD. Oh yes, many of them can make a man have a need to scratch. So, as this man continuously digs and scratches in a very-developed technique, I think it's a form of a nervous twitch. But where is this so acceptable, that it can develop? I mean, I know I LOOK as he does it. I can't help it, and I am not one that can wear a blank face. My face is always portraying my reaction. So I am sure I wear my shocked or my "who farted?" face everytime he does it, and I could not have been the first. So he must know, and yet is so compelled he just continues. ICK.
I am intrigued to know what the cause it. I can't help but think of bugs. I mean as aggressively and reactively he appears to go to town on his beans, it's so like a dog when they jump up or flinch and then begin a fierce hunt for a specific flea. This is how this man scratches. It's like sudden and savage. BLoodthirsty. I am not sure but I th ink that there is help for a bug infestation of the privates. So, maybe he just hasnt' got on top of it. But when a dog has just licked his beans, we generally are a little put-off by a doggy kiss. But my budget man, after digging and scratching for an hour... has no problem trying to shake your hand upon good-byes. (ok, so he shakes with his right, and appears to scratch exclusively left, this is America people... we treat both hands equally).
"Good work Sheri. Your budget is all in on time, and for your first try, this is a fine result....congratulations" and his hand is reaching towards me.
I snatch up a bunch of papers so fast I thnk I could be a superhero in the future. Now, there are only about 40 pages, and they don't need two hands, but I pretend I am trying to keep them from getting unsorted. I am fumbling and try to focus on the paperclips...so as to not have to shake his hand. As his hand just hovers, out-stretched for what seems like minutes. And then I remember STREP!!! So , much delayed....
"Oh, I'd shake your hand, but I'm kind of worried about being contagious still, but thanks so much for all your help." meek smile.
Pause. Hand drops.
"I saw you shake Kim's hand a few minutes ago." Deadpan stare.
"What?"
"You shook Kim's hand when he dropped his budget off a minute ago."
"Well, I don't like him, so I dont care if he gets sick. No... I just didn't think about it."
"I would have accepted the risk too." He turns, walks to his office, and shuts the door as I stand there.
I wanted to scream, "Hey! Creep! You scratch your slimy balls all day and I don't want your ball cooties!"
But I have not been the nicest person all week, so I chose guilt over anger. I know that he knew I was trying not to touch him. I treated him like a leper, just because his hands are covered in ball-sludge invisible gloves.
At this point, what can I do? Door is shut. I'm standing here clutching a bunch of stuff to recycle, and I feel like a jerk. I just left. I couldn't fix it. He scratches his balls nonstop. I have a feeling that is what he was doing behind the door. I'd rather be thought of as a jerk, as opposed to an enabler.
And then I picked my nose, and dug my thong out of my bum! High-Five! Just jokes.
posted by Knows It All @ 9:42 AM
2 Comments:
At 9:00 PM,
Rocky said…
I made a similar observation about men in general the other day--what is up with the "ball shift"? I see guys doing it all the time. The hand moves down ever so subtle, then there it is, a little nudge. So gross! Is it just me, or are men just not aware that they are touching themselves down there while in public? There is definitely some truth to those scary special reports on the news exposing suspicious germs on door handles and stuff.
At 12:06 PM,
Mahd said…
Men have dangly bits- they're pretty inconvenient most of the time. Now, all of those dangly bits have the irritating habit of moving around based on temperature and position. So please forgive us if we have to make an adjustment.
However, scratching it completely different. Maybe you could offer him some medicated powder or something.
Post a Comment
<< Home